Welcome.

You must be wondering what a deer camp confessional is.

It’s the culmination of many days and nights dragged to the deer camp so my husband can pursue his passion, which consists of communing with nature–or rather trekking through snake-infested land crawling with centipedes, a few ticks and wild hogs that would rather run down a grown man than look at him, and doing this through adverse conditions (either hot as hades or colder than hades frozen over) day after day, week after week, season after season (and who knew there were so many seasons within hunting season) and year after year.

Many wives are left in the solace of suburbia to enjoy their creature comforts while their husbands channel their inner boy scout of yesteryear to track deer, varmints and birds and who knows what else, in addition to downing copious amounts of beer while living like they were frat boys again and the only care in the world these boy-men have are waking up earlier than they ever would at home to get to the blind hours before the deer wander in to nosh on some dried corn.

I’ve been to the private place where these men gather, gossip, and get gross. I’ve visited their inner sanctum. And I’m here to report back to you and demystify all the jargon, rituals and myths. I’ll go ahead and address what nags each wife who’s never been able to cross into the sacred land of deer camp. Yes. I’ve seen a bootleg female. His Daddy didn’t know he brought his girlfriend into camp, and they never went to a deer blind…they just spent some alone time inside the RV. I’m sure they were studying for their big Trigonometry final.  Yes. I’ve seen a single woman invited in and try to get snuggly with married men. She didn’t succeed. Pretty sure I’m the only person she kissed…guess she took the sign ‘Kiss the Cook’ seriously. But more on all that later.

Just consider me your reporter on the inside…taking one for the team.

Sincerely yours,

The Trophy Wife

 Trophy Wife (n.) The one who holds her husband's trophy. Sometimes this happens while he grabs a cold beer.